McGee’s Retro Ramblings #2
“You’ll Swallow My What??!!”
EVIL DEAD. See how easily that rolls off the tongue? EVIL DEAD. EEEEEEEEEVIL…..DEAD. By any other name, almost 30 years later, It is still one of the greatest, most influential horror flicks ever made. By the time it started making the rounds on home video back in the early 1980s and became a cult classic long before I think that term was even coined, it rewrote the book on not only inventive and manic directing style, but did for college kids trapped in a secluded cabin in the woods out in the middle of nowhere fighting off demons what HALLOWEEN had done for faceless, unstoppable babysitter killers and “Sex = Death while the virgin always
lives” movies the decade before it.
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We all know the influences it carries with it -
clad comic book superhero while the wise and mighty Bruce “The Chin” Campbell never really attained that leading man status that he so richly deserves. We also know the effect the movie had on all of us as rabid fans back then. Flawed by today’s SFX standards, but still nothing less than a true classic in every sense of the word, no doubt about that at all. But there’s a movie, a certain sequel, that I like even better. So I’m not here today to talk about Evil Dead. Nope, not here to talk about that at all…
Back in the Spring of 1987 when I was 16 years old, my biggest priority was getting
laid. Like any other boy my age, anywhere else on this planet, it was all I could
think about. Other than working as hard as I could at my job of pumping gas, changing
oil, washing cars, and fixing tires at our local full-
Thanks to the greatest magazine ever published – Fangoria – I knew that there was
an Evil Dead sequel in the works. And every Sunday morning, I’d walk across the highway
to the local Jiffy Mart and buy every newspaper they carried there from every town
that had any kind of theater at all – scanning the entertainment sections – looking
for that damned movie. Finally, in early March, there it was…that big, evil skull
smirking at me in black and white newsprint, telling me to “Kiss my nerves goodbye”,
and that “There’s only one movie scarier than Evil Dead”…yep, there it was – Evil
Dead 2: Dead by Dawn!!! The closest that it was coming to me upon its release was
a theater down in Tulsa, 75 miles away, the following Thursday. That left me three
full days to not only find a fill-
want to drive back that night, and most important of all, find someone to “accompany” me, as this endeavor almost guaranteed an overnight stay at a hotel after the movie – wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!
Finding a fill-
was basically a forbidden tactic to use as a teenager, but what I thought I lacked in common sense at the time, I more than made up for with testicular fortitude. What was my brash and insane tactic, you ask? Honesty. I know, right? Mom was never one to shy away from encouraging me to go after my dreams though, and knowing that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up – especially a horror writer – if I was that passionate about something, even seeing a movie and possibly missing school and definitely missing work, she wasn’t going to stand in my way.
Now, all I needed was my company. To be honest, as quickly as the other two elements
fell into place for me and cemented the fact that I now knew beyond any shadow of
a doubt that this trip was my destiny, I wasn’t as concerned about finding company
to go with me so I could get laid as much as I just wanted to share the experience
of a theatrical Evil Dead sequel experience with as many folks as I could. My female
friends that I wanted to nail, I asked first. But none of them would take a day out
of school, so that was out. My female friends who were very good friends and nothing
more, I asked next. But I was greeted with a loud and continuously unanimous, “Horror
movie? EEEWW!! Like, NO!” So apparently, that was out as well. From there I went
to buddies, none of whom could get out of school even though they wanted to. My best
friend Shawn, who was like a brother to me (and still is), really really REALLY wanted
to go, but could not either. Why? He was to be my fill-
So, like many of my other excursions into the pursuit of following my dreams both
then and now, I became a One-
I’ll spare you my fanboy gushing (in this column, anyway) when it comes to not only
his tenure in Black Sabbath, but also his incredible solo work as well, but I will
say this….I only carried a few cassette tapes with me at a time when traveling, and
for that trip down to Tulsa for my first-
Those demons got nothin’ on The Dio
McGee on a weekend date night
My trip down there was largely uneventful with the exception of gorging myself at Whataburger: still one of the greatest burger joints ever, and one that I largely took for granted back then since I lived so close to one. Nowadays I drool over the thought of the place constantly as I’m over three hours from the nearest one and those bastards at Corporate don’t seem to think that us hicks in Northeast Kansas need to be part of their chain. Assholes.
Anyway, as I pulled up to the theater and parked, psyching myself up for the greatness that I knew was surely on its way, I realized how wired I was…couldn’t tell if it was anticipation, all the caffeine, or both. Probably both, but for the purpose of this story, it was pure anticipation. I bounced across the street, bought my ticket, got my Super Duper Nachos (with jalapenos) and yes, yet even more Mountain Dew.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoyed the next 83 minutes –
I cringed a couple of times, laughed harder than I had laughed at any so-
our world; to the ending that of course pulled the old P.T. Barnum trick on me and definitely left me clamoring for more.
Clamoring so much was I, that I did a very rare thing for me in those days – or at
least rare for me to do in the very same night – I went right back out front to the
ticket booth and bought another ticket for the late showing and sat through it twice
in a row, drinking up every bit of it that I could. Had they been showing that fucker
a third time that night, I would have bought yet another ticket and made it a hat-
But as I’m sure you can tell, I loved that movie with every fiber of my twisted being,
and I think that today I’d have to say I love it even more than I did then. It’s
still in my Top Ten of all-
Now, I could easily lie to you in explicit detail and tell you that I walked a block
over from the theater, got myself a lady of the night, and whisked her away to the
nearest Motel 6 to accomplish my final goal of that trip, right? That would be taking
the easy way out. In a true testament to my Horror Movie Geekdom, I will instead
tell you the complete and far less sexually explicit and interesting truth, fellow
fright fans. The truth is, I was so damned excited by what I’d just sat through (twice)
and still high on caffeine and ED2 goodness that I drove straight back to the nearest
Whataburger, stocked up on a Double Cheese Whataburger, Whatachick’n, Whatafries,
and a huge steaming cup of Whatacoffee (okay, that’s overkill, sorry) and started
the seventy-
I slept for about 45 minutes in my nice soft & cozy bed in my own bedroom as opposed
to a mite-
Then there’s Shawn – my brother in arms (literally – he makes Burt Gummer seem unprepared),
the Moe to my Curly, my best friend in the world (that I’m not married to, anyway)
both then and now, and probably a bigger fan of the exploits of Ashley J. Williams
that I know of out there besides myself. The man who sacrificed sitting shotgun and
being my co-
So as soon as that sucker hit VHS, I didn’t just rent it – aw hell naw, Uncle Phil…in
a day and age where videotaped movies cost more than a DVD player itself does now,
I special-
So many memories can be brought back in a flourish just by hearing part of a song, or someone quoting a line of dialogue from a favorite movie. That’s exactly what happened a short time ago when Shawn and I got together again – unfortunately under sad circumstances that time – but nonetheless it brought us back together again sooner than we’d planned. As I listened to his son talk about wanting to play the FISTFUL
OF BOOMSTICK game on his PS2 while we sat outside, drank beer, and talked, it reminded me of that trip from way back in 1987 and the good times associated with it. I brought that up and it made him smile – the first time during that long, very tough day for him that I’d actually really seen him do that.
As we said our goodbyes a few hours later and I left his house around midnight to
begin my two-
Craig McGee
Resident Guy Who Would Get Killed First in a Real Horror Flick
(You know, because of all the drinking and sex)